My Adulthood Pass

1:07 pm

When I was young, my elders told me not to touch the bottle; reason?
I was still underage, so as much as I pushed for my registration for my national Identity card, I wouldn’t hide that wicked smile of mine like, ”what shit are you gonna give me now bout drinking? Wait till I am out of sight”

It all came to pass anyway and my pass to manhood was literally handed to me; I had this, it’s all I would say, I felt so mature, so responsible that even referring me to young then would be a problem.

Having completed my basic secondary education, I travelled to Nairobi where I enrolled to take my, ‘God knows what’ course. The first few weekends of Campus were well spent. I call them spent because, my very immediate close friends were religious and we spent most of those precious Friday nights attending vespers.

My heart got restless, that seed of sin I had sown was taking root. Why did I have to wait for my I.D for so long, get my freedom and still sit on that? I contemplated one Wednesday afternoon after my cheap meal at the school cafeteria; you know the rice, beans, vegetables and coffee story. Or the Ugali, beans, Vegetables plus Chapati for my friends from the other side.

Friday would never be the same again! I had to be firm about this one. I plotted on dodging my friends come Friday, I carefully laid out my plan and gave my broken reason, of going to see a friend… And headed to Kevo’s. Kevo was much older, experienced and had female company, Kevo knew I had a year saving for this so he got what we needed. Company…

I knocked at Kevo’s at 4 pm and the guy was like, it’s too early you guy let’s chill out take some supper before heading out, my ‘please’, to go early and come back early fell on deaf ears, I had to wait for he was the puppeteer and the map; just in case.

After a wait that felt like eternity, the ladies arrived, one looking mature and older that I guessed would be my host’s and the other, younger and innocent that I gladly thanked Kevo for, secretly – how did he know my taste? I smiled at myself impishly.

We were ready. Before we left, the introductions were made and I learnt their names quickly so as not to embarrass myself later on. The mature one was Lucy, and the younger one, Pam. Then the most annoying part, “Pam’s mine.” Kev said with a sheepish grin and all his teeth showing, I smiled and swallowed hard. This is going to be one long night full of fun.

In no time, we were at the club and him not believing me, the huge clueless bouncer stopped me and asked for my I.D. I proudly showed it to his face and he stepped aside, such a small document that makes hills move. In the club; it all began slowly, boring music, boring audience and boring drinks… as time went by, the drinks were getting better and the excitement was building...

The ladies who were tipping my iceberg of cash were going deep when they started ordering for shots! ‘Hizo ni nini?’ I asked my pal, who was keen on watching me drunk, he leaned over to his clande’, what we also refer to as a side Chiquita and I thought I had made a laughing stock out of myself, to my amazement with all his years and mature beard he had never bothered to ask, smiling sweetly to my direction she answered, ‘Tequira’. The Agikuyu accent in her had taken toll…

I smiled partly at her and also as an appreciation. The second round of tequila was ordered sooner than I could google the name; it was bottoms up for my wallet. I gave to the last coin, the waiters in the local cheap joints never walk away to bring the bill later, they wait for the cash before fetching the drinks, it was hopeless even thinking about it… ducking.

Good luck comes to those who need it most. The ladies were bottoming up and their true colours were becoming brighter. My date for the night was getting touchy, at first it was something, until she began roughing me up I had to call it quits and my stone face worked magic. It was time to go.

The beast had taken over the beauty and Kev was having a hard time calming his beauty turned beast, the accent she tried concealing all the time by using few chosen words was now a white dirty linen in public. Am not against accents personally, everyone has a bad day. Calming her invited more trouble, she even threatened to run naked if we tried to tell her one more time to calm down ‘tulia.’ Which was right at Kevo’s mouth.

How we got back to the host’s place was a miracle, unharmed, intact and lucky having escaped meeting the police. (You don’t want that in the wee hours of the night with some company…). I had to pass my night on the couch, Kev insisted on sleeping with the ladies. ‘kuna baridi sana’ I believed him. ‘Niko na Jumper’ I responded as I waited for dawn which was an hour away.

By Moses Nyaemo